It’s hot
I am just sitting her, looking for reasons not to write. I just got in from a shoot at the de Young, I often cover their public Friday night events.
It is a pleasurable way to earn extra income and see cultural events I would not see otherwise. I am very lucky to have this ongoing gig, but tonight I was tired of pointing my camera at other people who other people are looking at. I was the videographer tonight, and if there is one word I hate in the English language it is videographer. I have not worked so hard and so long to shoot weddings and legal depositions, ( and I don’t, but that word conjures those jobs). But that is unfair, the de Young and the folks I work with value me as a talented filmmaker and love that I know the routine so well I fit easily into their culture, a gig with distinguished perks in a way. I want to write more about this evening later, if I have time, because there were two powerful things that happened tonight as the Inuit dancers, and native artist Susie Silook presented their work.
But I don’t want to write…and it’s already ten past 10 and whatever happens here tonight I need to wrap it up in 30 minutes to get this slightly edited and posted. This is what’s happening – I don’t have the time or the perspective on the day to write until later in the evening, and that sucks if I am getting in later like last night, tonight and then of course Sunday night after Bride Mob….
It is unbelievably hot here, even at this hour. It was in the 90s today and still around 70 outside. And overcast – feels kind of apocalyptic. And as I was driving back from my shoot I reminded myself how sexy I think this kind of weather is, and I turned up the radio, listening to an eclectic show on Phil Spector collaborations, and willed the affinity for sexy, summer nights to seduce me. It worked a little, but I knew I had to come hone and do this. And I am hot and grumpy and in my jeans as I sit here and write. But I am writing.
This has been a crazy month, and almost everything feels strained and pulled, to breaking at the seams. But I am coping well, and I am surprised and proud of that. I have such an amazing backlog of almost everything central to my life, including 383 unanswered emails. I traditionally force myself to keep it at 100 or less, and the pressure of the unattended is making me nervous, but not as nervous as I would have been prior to turning 50 for some reason.
Racing days with cloudy skies, even on this hot day-it is appearing as a blur, and I have to say this self-imposed writing is helping me to give form and meaning to my life in a way that I could never have predicted. I am keeping accountable to myself, and in the back of my mind you, whoever you might be.
I have some serious house cleaning to do-literally and metaphorically. I need to tidy things up and I need to give these processes time and respect. I worked with my on-call therapist for an hour today, and I she suggested that it might be better to water, and grow things with potential rather than just put them in small dark rooms and stand beside them as then slowly die. We all need more time, but I think my problem is every time I have a little bit more time I look around for something else to fill up the tiny void. It is my nature. But then I did not return to my acting for the camera class, which was a big deal for me and maybe I will write about that tomorrow…
I came across two journal entries from March of 2001 as I was living with, and taking care of my Mom while she was sick and dying. A little treasure trove. Oddly I started out by making a commitment to writing15 minutes a day in that odd and critical time…and I did it for three days. But even those three recorded days are a little marvel. And my shit is still my shit.
So I have given myself enough of my craved for rambling time, except that I want to add that I had a meandering and delightful brunch with Felica Lowe this morning. More on her/us later likely…
To finish on the Native presentations at the de Young tonight. The highlight presentation for the public was three traditional Yup’ik Eskimo dancers, one of whom is the primary storyteller and singer, and a drummer. I have to say, that for me the total presentation at the beginning was not that interesting. The storytelling, while charming, was predictable and the music and dance, while interesting, would not have held me for longer than five or ten minutes if it had not been my job to record them. By the end however I was moved, getting little waves of goose bumps and prickly eyes. These native people have, and do, live harsh lives, and have and will have so much taken from them. They need the land to live and their resources are dwindling. Yet they were thankful, humorous and at times even a little irreverent about their, and our situation. And the lead storyteller was an older man with a distinct lisp, and the two dancers were made up of a stout middle-aged woman with glasses and a 30 something very large woman. Check that out MTV. I ended up kind of loving the four performers who were so happy to be at the de Young to celebrate the museum buying native Alaskan art and putting it on display in the permanent collection.
And then there was Susie Silook, a Siberian Yupik/Inupiaq writer, carver, and sculptor. I met her, her husband and nephew for a moment before her lecture and slideshow in the tony auditorium which was earlier playing Vivaldi over their insanely wonderful PA system as I set up my tripod and had thoughts of reading Ann Rand and leaving the dirty world behind and telling that to my therapist. And then I went and recorded the native performers and then I schlepped back to the auditorium and Ms. Silook made her presentation.
I have to stop writing now because it is 9:44 and this blog will turn into a pumpkin if I don’t post. But I want to warp out by saying look up Susie Silook’s work. See her works now on display at the De Young. This is a woman with intense integrity, guts, passion and a wonderful sense of playfulness, and a healthy sense of who and where she is in the world. Her talent, combined with her honesty and wicked sense of humor gave me faith that we can all grow into wonderful versions of ourselves and hold into the most important parts of being human.
For more information on tonight’s artist and performers visit http://www.examiner.com/x-13996-SF-Museum-Examiner~y2009m8d27-Friday-Night-at-the-DeYoung–its-all-about-the-Far-North
