Fuck It I'm 50

Yuck, the last day of August.

This month started with a week long writing residency at the Squaw Valley Community of Writers that fed me beyond my expectations, and ends with a difficult conversation with my boyfriend who is in Canada for an undetermined amount of time…I am frustrated, sad and embarrassed that I am dwelling on such personal issues in a world fraught with pain and conflict…

But let’s just keep to the facts, Ma’am.

Bride Mob was ridiculous and fun, just as intended. Shout out to Laurie Amat, insanely good MC with vocal cords of gold, and the perhaps the more insane Merchants of the New Bizarre-a group of very talented musicians who go out of their way to cover irritating tunes brashly and kind of badly. They grow on you.

Even Bob Meyer, who I think was a little horrified at the beginning of the musical interludes noted that the Merchants were in fact, “really good”. Thank you Bob for the tasty, if deadly mixed drinks last night…

The event, while modest in size, was incredibly fun. I was thinking about it this morning and the reason I think it was so fun is that everyone there was willing to contribute their own imagination, along with a carefree willingness to participate. It felt like performance art collaborations, where there is no distinction between the artist and the audience, from the 80s or 90s. (Scott-it reminded me lot of “Bill and Hillary”) Even Lefty got swept up into the spirit of things and got dressed up as a bride and jumped shamelessly into many, many laps. When one of us would run out of performing steam, someone else would step up –  and step up and step up, until we were all dancing free form and laughing our asses off for the last hour.

In all seriousness, while this event did not generate the big bucks we need to make this movie, it was one of those situations where the potential of the cumulative social capital may pay off in ways in the coming days, weeks and years that I cannot even predict. If I recognize any of the direct positive results I will report back.

But my oh my, yes I did have to get up and teach a full three hours this morning despite the revelries of the night before. Thank goodness for some moderation, but boy oh boy was I tired today. But my Final Cut Pro class was great-I kind of love my students, it’s a bright bunch and we are oversubscribed by one work station so I am waiting to see who drops (gets knocked off) for the final coveted station. In all honesty this class has caused sleepless nights. I have never taught such a computer tech heavy class for this amount of time before, and I over prepare for each class, as is my way, and then have to figure out what in fact to present, while I worry as I teach… “What, if anything, do I I have to present to them in the next class?”

My former student, and now friend, Tony, who is sadly a bigger worrier than me, told me today that his born again aunt told him that worrying was a sin and that it would send him to hell. What a thing to  tell a worrier! And a few years ago my dear friend Matthew told me that he started worrying one day, and found himself worrying about what he would be worrying about in his next life. All this worrying puts my worrying in perspective.

Lessons of the day:

• It is hard to stay clear on how you feel
• It is hard not to get mad
• You can overcome fatigue and small hangovers in order to teach well
• Teaching well feeds your sense of well-being
• That sometimes touch will do more than 1,000 words
• Getting enough sleep is important

More to come…