Dear Blog
I was all excited when I wrapped up my meeting with Dave a little while ago. Long day, wanted to eat some dinner, move the furniture back into the living room for the second time in a week and maybe watch some trashy TV. But then I remembered you. I have to write you.
So I putzed around in denial for a while, but now here I am. Happy?
Today…you know not everyday is a day worth writing about. Hmmm. Well now that I think about it I woke up on the right side of my head, I mean bed. Just one dog to pat at 7am, and got up knowing she would stay put so I could work on finishing my lesson plans in my PJs. I actually had sort of fun drinking my coffee and working in FCP, the editing software I am teaching at City, without any dogs, roommates, workers, phones, emails-just me and the super dorky Sea World footage I am using to teach my sweet class how to edit. I really do think better in the morning, and like the solitude. And I realized I was not in pain and had rested well. Yep, first day with no painkillers, not even Ibuprofen. I feel like a new person. Clear headed, optimistic, even cracked a few booger jokes, did some funny dances and went into some detail about the dead person in my head for my class. It was fun. And it was fun because I was not only pain free, but ALL the computer stations worked and I could teach uninterrupted for the whole three hours!!!
Once I had finished teaching I realized what stress the class, and I, had been under-constantly aware that we might be sabotaged, under siege from outside forces that not only we could not control, but we didn’t know what they looked like, or their names. It always showed up in a new outfit, destabilizing what we thought we had just learned, and leaving us smiling, in a failed attempt to appease the voracious and capricious masked monsters, like idiots in the dark. Just keep smiling and maybe the monster will have pity on me and stop being so mean. Nope, it fed the monster, even though I think the monster was really hurting inside himself, but he could not help himself. It only got better when our true leader, the head of our department stood her ground, her normally sweet and open face fierce and unforgiving, insisting that this was enough. And then the monster backed down and has relinquished his monster hold on us, fixed the problems, and retreated back into his monster cave.
And I do not miss him. He sucked. I will avoid him at all costs, and if I see him lurking in corners I will call him out and make him tell me why he is here. Of course I am speaking of monsters everywhere, not just in the computer labs at City College, but in Myanmar, Oakland, Washington, down the street, downstairs, inside ourselves and in our dreams.
Why does it take us so long to learn these things? If you smell a rat, it’s probably because there’s a rat. How long will it take me to call out the stink next time Dear Blog? But I must say, Dear Blog, you help, you give me confidence, you inspire the truth seeker in me. You give me inspiration and strength. In a way you are my good monster. You come and glare at me everyday and make me think, and feel and reflect. But enough about you, more about me. I’m going to make dinner and space out on some useless TV, or clear my desk and prep my schedule for tomorrow, or pet my dog, or put the furniture back in my living room, or talk to Laurie when she gets home from her screening at the Exploratorium, or play with my new iPhone which is so awesome it freaks me out a little, or clean out Lefty’s drawer in the kitchen which has some insect infested treats I noticed yesterday, or rub my feet or…..a sweet slow combination of the above.
Sleep well Dear Blog.
