Fuck It I'm 50

And what a decade it was.

Americans discovered terrorism. We realized a few days ago that Global Warming is true. Greed and selfishness reached an all time historical high. Globalization is as entrenched as your bad neighbors. And most of the decade was run rough shod by a stupid world leader and his unethical cronies.

On a personal note I lost my mother, my marriage ended, I moved from the neighborhood I identified in as a hard core renter and community activist and became a self conscious owner in a “nicer” neighborhood. I shifted away from teaching as my main identity and lost my three aged pets. I made two feature films, a handful of new installations, made new friends, moved away from activism and mentoring and a lot more things. As we all do in ten years.

I also went from 40 to 50 years old. Sitting here writing this I am a cliché, I don’t feel older, but I am older, not only in body, but in experience. I tried things in the last few years that did not work out as I expected. And while it all hurt like hell and I am humbled in this new decade moving towards 60, I embrace my missteps and failures, without them I would not be able to do what I am trying to do next.

And I am trying to do a lot of things next.

Make Saltwater

Make An Unexamined Life

Finish and make a kick ass iPhone mobile tour of the de Young Museum

Continue to show Mr. Gary as an installation.

Write a TV series spec that will sell.

Write the next screenplay, “Five Women, Five Rooms” that will capitalize easily and will be a smashing success.

Teach.

Learn.

Make new artwork.

Finish my blog and ilog, (have an idea for a wrap up gallery show for my 51^st birthday…)

Maybe get a cat.

Fall in love and be loved.

And much, much more.

And here are some of the people I need, and want to thank for helping me and encouraging me to achieve the above:

My saltwater team, but especially Cynthia, Simone and Henry who have kept the faith in the dark times. My mother for giving me herself as she was dying. My sister and uncle, who also allowed my camera’s query in the face of death, loss and paradox. Renee for having faith in me, over and over. Rich because he is Mr. Gary and he is brilliant. Clark my writing partner and my cohorts at City College. Anh for his gentle but persistent nudging on this, Fuck It I’m 50, which has change my life, Lee for loving me, and….

Virginia, Laurie, Susan, Jay, Maw, Scott, and all my dear friends and support team who believe in me.

And I believe in you, and I do truly believe that we are going to make some extraordinary things happen in the coming year.

And now off to prepare for our little last minute impromptu party that we decided to throw, have to find that damn pretty stick and hit myself with it, light the candles and light a fire.

If you read this before 1am come on over, everyone is welcome. It came together as a response to “I don’t want to be around crowds” collective whine that we are doing this…so come on by!

I may or may not post pictures tonight…

I am truly filled with love right now. Thank you.