Fuck It I'm 50

It really is. Jokes aside. Generally it marginalizes you economically. It forces you to creep out to the edges of your imagination and psyche, and insists that you try untried things and ask unasked and often unanswerable questions. It can make a fool of you and it can allow you to transcend with a vision that everyone else sees and has heart connection to. It can get you called stupid and misguided, and it can get you called a genius.

Why do you think we do this?

Because we are compelled. Driven, myopic, self absorbed and other centered at the same time. All I want to do is talk to you in the most powerful way possible and change my world and yours.

And I want you to do the same for me.

Today has been a challenging day: some personal triumphs, enough to make me jump up and down, and some set backs, issues that make me stop and push back, but will only be good I think in the long run.

Some of it was about art. Some of it was about figuring out something I didn’t think I could figure out, (admittedly, since it was technology, it was a lot of button pushing frantic luck too).

It’s funny, but I woke up today feeling like I am bad, doing things wrong, and there were the all these critics, myself in the lead. But I have a strong feeling that going out on flimsy branches, feeling like the limb that is holding you might break, makes you think more clearly. What else have you got, when the branch is about to break, but your smarts.

My posting from last night got me in some hot water and I need to take it all in and understand that others do indeed read this. Even though I address you, who ever you may be, when I write, I usually write to me. It’s a funny headspace, but I have maintained it and I am going to keep it.

But I am not crazy, if the definition of a crazy person is what ever comes to mind falls out of their mouths, or in my case fingers. I know about limits and rules and legalities and decorum.

But, if anyone is surprised or confused, I am doing an out loud artwork called Fuck It I’m Fifty and I don’t allow comments on my page. I laid out the basic rules and aesthetics on August 11^th, 2009 and that’s my story and I am sticking to it.

I want feedback and I want resonance. It deepens this one-year commitment. I will listen to everything, and if I am deeply offending anyone because I misjudged something I will fix it.

Otherwise I really need to do this for my peace of mind and to strive to be the best artist I can be.

Thank you all for your time, concern, faith, fear and feedback. I am more surprised than anyone else.

And again, I took some pictures, I am back in the land of City College, a land of post war buildings and grand visions for the future, structures I love so much, I am a Chicago girl, born to a labor leader after all.