Raining Again
I’ve had kind of an awful day. Productive, but lost. Feel like I may be coming down with something, hot and cold all day, but really I think it’s all in my head, (but I often think that with colds and flu because I don’t believe my treacherous body or mind and then I’m wrong and I collapse like a rag doll, hating and doubting the meaning of existence.)
Feeling like I am welded like a cranky goblin to my desk chair. I become more cranky and pessimistic and mean by the day.
While all this great stuff swirls around me.
Feeling very 50 and attached to my aging body. How easily we forget the great workout at the gym yesterday, or the full of energy walk with Lefty the day before.
I just got a brilliant email from Martin, one of my nearest and dearest. He just went through the same mortification I went through more than two years ago, needing to get two top molars out, and he went through a similar deep down and up that I went through. It’s all about mortality, losing teeth is big, but on top of that, like me, he is an artist and doesn’t have coverage for these super expensive procedures, so it’s a double whammy; your getting old and you can’t support your aging body.
Of course we can, by scrimping and saving, at least Martin and I can, but we are both on the edge in order to live our lives the way we think is right for us.
It gets really old. Just like us. Except we still look, and certainly act, younger than our years.
I little update on Virginia’s Mom Polly. Good news, she has a systemic infection and her strength may return.
But we are all aging and coming to terms with our bodies and mortality. I wish Polly has a rebound and can live the rest of her life with dignity. And enjoy a well-timed and welcome death. I feel like I am writing to myself.
OK-the oven timer just went off and I have to go organize some food.
Once again, I was feeling so lack luster and under inspired by my life that I hauled little Lefty out for a walk at rainy sunset, thinking I would post the grant I am working on instead of writing about my thoughts and maybe taking pictures of the detritus of grant writing, but I took my iPhone and wow, wet pavement is beautiful. Needing to take pictures always cheers me up and knocks me out of my wound up self.
And Andy you’re right, yesterday’s pictures weren’t lame and thanks for your compliment.
