Fuck It I'm 50

And I am freaked out about this week and so dog tired all I want to do is pull some food out of the fridge and plop in front of the TV. That’s all I’ve wanted to do all day.

But here you are dear blog, and I have a monumental day tomorrow that I need to rest up for; full day at City with all the drama/trauma that goes with that, meetings about house parties and getting ready for the DE YOUNG SHOOT! Argh!!

I am seriously nervous, I don’t feel like a leader right now, but I have to play one in my own movie right now. It is days like today where I yearn for that consistent and understanding and loving partner who would have made me dinner and be happily waiting in bed for me to fall asleep beholden. Most of my many years with my ex were like that and they were an amazing time in my life.

I want the thrill of innovation and newness and brand new creation with a real backbone of support that I have that someone there to nod, smile, love me. To be intimate with. Who forgives my quirks and weaknesses and just loves me. As I will do for them if it is the right mixture of need, life goals, quirkiness and tolerance.

I am so luck to have loved and been so love in my lifetime.

That’s why Lefty and key friends are super important right now.

Speaking of Lefty, there was this gin left over from the party on Friday and to entice myself to work longer I mixed a gin and tonic, and I looked over and miss thing had her head thrust into the glass slurping it up. Just like, as I think I mentioned, when I went to a Fellini party a few months ago and I saw her head plunged into a glass of red wine, developing her taste for liquor .

Ah Lefty.

The stakes are high right now. I keep thinking I may be running a little fever, but I suspect it’s really in my imaginiation. I am just scared. All of a sudden I have become the iMove lab go to person and I have agreed to start teaching iMovie HD tutorials on the 22^nd. Honestly, it’s all kind of insane. But I love the challenge, I think.

And I will be in LA next weekend to stir up energy for Saltwater and then hosting a little whatever up here.

And I am shooing about 1/3-1/2 of the iPhone tour this week and I feel so underprepared I want to puke. But I almost always feel like this right before production.

Vacation, I want a vacation. It could be two days in Fresno, that would be fine.

Sorry about the mix up last night if anyone tried to see my post today. I posted too late and I think the computer mastermind in heaven just decided to skip me, but it is up now if you want to read/look, but honestly not all that exciting.

I have decided to post pictures from our welcome back Cynthia party tonight instead of pictures of my dog walks, even though I know you crave more images of my neighborhood.