Fuck It I'm 50

I think my title for tonight might be a lot bigger and more interesting than what I write.

But I found myself saying this a few times in the last week or so. Obviously a rebuff to Fuck It I’m 50. Times are hard, but good, best since the early oughts and then before that, the late 80s.

Looking at a life gives you a sense of ebb and flow. Ups and downs. Aggressive times of intense and focused movement forward and slower times of keeping even knell.

The beauty of age is you recognize these passages. We all have them, some of us feel the ups and downs more than others.

Corralling your expertise, years of experience and connections, your knowledge of the world in a deeper and more connected way is worth its weight in youth and beauty.

What I am thinking about now is pulling in all that resource and doing the most I can with it. But honestly, I am so bone tired this seems like a good thing to think about, but I just can’t do it right now. This reminds me of some deterministic writing I did a while back about defining my path and being more directed, but here I am, once again being buffeted by my connections and good fortune.

Oh, about the title of this post. I realize that all I am doing and all that I am taking advantage of is related to my experience and connections. I know that some people are able to make these kind of connections earlier in life, seeing possible interconnectedness between ideas and people and having the self confidence to access those connections and a sense of the future that asks all those connections to make sense.

At 50 I am almost there.

Hopefully more on this before I sign off and turn 51. And I am seriously thinking tattoo-50+ something motif….if I am right minded I’ll chicken out again.