Fuck It I'm 50

I edited yesterday.

I got up and edited today.

I mentioned to my wonderful finishing editor DHL that once again I hated this work, while we both recognized this is where the power of story is, the final crafting, the final manipulation. I have become accustomed to the bigger picture of writing, directing and producing which now that I think of it can stay vague, one of my flaws as an artist and filmmaker-maybe even as a human being, but a place I feel safe in. What is that about?

When you edit you better know exactly what it’s about otherwise you have mush.

I suppose I dislike being nailed down to specificity, one of the reasons I prefer working in the visual art world. Something I feel I need to get over…

I wrote all of this about three hours ago…before I fell asleep in front of the news, ARGH-I HATE WHEN I DO THAT! Not only did I fall asleep with the news on, a guilty pleasure of mine which I indulge maybe three or four times a week these days, but I didn’t even make it past about five minutes if I remember correctly. They said that there was rain coming in a teaser and I fell asleep during a truck commercial I think.

While I am irritated with myself, I am hardly surprised. It has been a long, mostly engaging, but hard haul. And I get to wrap up the first half of this oh so not top secret endeavor on Tuesday…I will ask for permission to tell the full saga as I have experienced it in the days to come and try to release the tell all here as soon as I get clearance.

And I also had just come in from a party. Yes, I went to a party in the midst of all of this. Under normal Lise circumstances I would have wriggled out of it and played the overworked artist, but it was Renee’s birthday, and if there is anyone I can thank for my current position and good fortune right now, it is her, and I had arranged to meet Alan, my cohort in crime on the not so top secret project that I am working on.

I am glad I went-even if I did a super duper old lady number just now.

I surprised myself. Often I am bored at parties or making chit chat with people these days, but I actually had some conversations, outside of work references, mine or theirs, that were thoughtful and meandering. Just like our Christmas dinner this year, or much of how I operated in the old days. I have become such a myopic person in my socializing, and now that I think about it, it feels like a sign of old age that I don’t like. So getting out and being patient enough to listen to other people, outside of work or a classroom, was a little gem.

Thank you Patrick, Victoria and Alan.

Happy 49^th Renee. Remember, 50 is fucking fantastic!