Fuck It I'm 50

Let me welcome you to April. Her showers deliver flowers. I always get April and May mixed up-have all my life. I have to count from memory to get the right month-January, February, March, APRIL, then MAY.

I am confounded at why I am befuddled. Maybe it is a confusing time of year for me, maybe it has something to do with this being the time I was growing as a fetus into a person – I can only imagine how insane that was.

And then there was today, the last day of March and as it was written, many, many years ago by the smarty clan of creativity, “You will feel like shit on the day after a big creative push or presentation-until you hear back from the mother fuckers that need to green light finishing the project.”

Or just finishing and releasing work can leave you in the physic garbage can.

And I dove in today.

I want my lead team to say “Yay! We are sending this to Apple right now, and we know they will love it!” And then they do. And then I don’t know what.

Which reminds me, I have to talk to Kiyo about all this top secret crap so that I can try to frame this story sometime in the next few days. But I think many of you may have already gleaned the gist of things….

So today was the day after. I was no longer driven to deliver. The pressure was off me. I had done my job.

And I was so lost and sad this morning, it was a little surprising. I mean the project isn’t over yet, so what?

The big creative part is over, it’s all feedback and adjustments from here.

I am not in hyper speed, which I suppose I must like. Nor am I thinking super hard, which is another thing I must like, (while I complain about all the above endlessly).

I am not sure whether what I have created is good or will work, I need feedback and it is radio silence right now.

I am over budget and that flips me out.

I am trying to date. And it makes me feel alternately easy breezy and irritated.

Otherwise I can see a rosy 50ish future-jokes and self-absorption aside- I do