Fuck It I'm 50

I am fragmented and swamped at the same time. Lots of different directions while trudging through a few murky places.

But my spirits are fine, if my anxiety is high. I woke up this morning feeling like my demons were flanking me in bed, and then I thought about the last couple of days, and the last couple of weeks, months and years and laughed to myself – I get to play in my life.

My biggest worries right now are producing this SiFi short, getting my show up and prepping for my class at City. I do have ongoing problems with cash flow, resolving the museum/app release thing, dealing with my crappy diagnosis from the stupid head neurologists, (who knows, maybe their right, maybe it was a stroke…I am trying to adapt my life as it were per instructions and doing a bad job), continued to be worried about my Dad’s health and general anxiety about life, as is my nature. But my biggest worries today manifest in playful and rewarding gifts.

So, I said to myself after I left the demons languishing in bed, good gosh, you have a life of play, problem solving, networking and being with people and creating things. This is all in light of the other night when Ron, Laurie, Lefty and I went to that blow shit up middle aged industrial show that brought up so many feelings for Ron, and subsequently me and, as is my nature, and has become a continued bone to chew on.

Ron told me he had read last nights post where I looked at the previous evening and the thought and feeling fallout-honestly I was surprised, I didn’t think he read this, and was myself taken aback that he was concerned to see our experience written about here. So there it was. We talked about it…and (Dale) we both concluded that art, in all its forms, needs to get made. Including respecting Craftsmen like himself, and hipster art carryovers from the 80s and 90s-not that is what we saw btw, I love this guys ethos and work—but there is so much out there, and who are any of us to criticize? And who are any of us not to be making our own work? And who of us are going to stand up and say that art making is important in a culture in all its manifestations? And who of us shouldn’t critize and challenge-sometimes the Emperor has no clothes.

In the meantime I spent all day working on the producing end of Replikaa, and then doing some focused and good work over at Ron’s studio to figure out installation plans for my upcoming solo fucking exhibit.

Did I use my get out of jail free card? I don’t think so.

But the big news is…I typed this entry with both my hands, and most of my fingers, without the brace.