About

Welcome to my yearlong journey. Today, August 11th, 2009, I turn 50 years old.

About a month ago I found myself resisting this turning point, wasting a lot of energy trying to stop the inevitable. I was like a little kid who can’t keep their eyes open, but won’t go to bed. The resistance was fierce, and as we know, useless.

So I asked myself, “What can give you some comfort, some release from your anxiety right now?” I encouraged myself to think about what I was proud of achieving in the last year, what I could say that I could only have done being as old as I am. And that small voice that I hear too infrequently said, “You have learned to write”.

Talk about resistance. I have spent many hours in therapy and countless non-clocked hours worrying about the fact that I do not consider myself a writer, that writing is painful and makes me feel inadequate and stupid. And then in the last year or so I have finally written enough to feel moderately confident about my writing. My work involves a lot of writing, both professional and creative, and it was a huge relief to come to this realization. It has made my life easier in so many ways, and I find clarity and at least momentary truth in the process of writing.

“Ok” I thought, “I am finally comfortable calling myself a writer. What can I do to use this to alleviate the freak out of becoming 50?” Well maybe I could write about it. I liked the idea. I also liked the idea of creating a framework for myself that committed me to the stated purpose. At first I thought this might be a daily personal journal, but then I thought about accountability, and I saw that I needed to make myself beholden to others so that I would be less likely to wriggle out it.

So I have decided that I will post a daily meditation on what it is to be 50, circumstances allowing, from the first day of my 50th year to the last day of my 50th year. I have promised myself, and now you, that I will invest a minimum of 15 minutes a day and that I will not heavily censor myself. I will strive for honesty and candidness, though I can’t always promise scintillating material. I will read any responses off line and reserve the right to repost what is sent unless you request that I don’t.

I view this as a living artwork that will change and respond to your suggestions and the site’s needs over time. If it seems like a good idea, I will add more functionality to the site, but right now I am starting simple.  I invite you to participate in what ever way is most comfortable for you, including not at all. If you would like to get a daily posting please go to the SUBSCRIBE or RSS buttons and sign up. Or you can just bookmark this site and visit whenever you feel like it.

And finally I want to thank my tech guru and behind the scenes collaborator, Anh Nguyen, who is not only a friend and cohort, but also shares my birthday today. Sadly he is not a 50-year old woman and cannot therefore participate on a daily basis, but I thank him profusely for support of my vision and his incredible tech savvy.

I invite you, my friend, to join me on this journey—let’s see what happens.